What happens when silence becomes audible and then visible

 – Alcohol has scarred my life in ways that I never thought possible

I grew up knowing that my parents wouldn’t care for me

Gasps of air- breathe in –the whistling telltale sounds of wheezing lungs fill the room

Stop grunting - - stop grunting said the mother

Gasps of air – breathe in

The Mother repeats – stop grunting

I took care of myself the best that I could

I learned to control my breathing – to hide the gasps of air –

Breathe in breathe in

This runs through my head and lungs and circles around down through to my own child

Gasps of air- breathe in

Stop grunting - - stop grunting – I hear my mother’s voice

My childhood memories of sitting on the couch next to my mother come forcibly back into my life

Gasps of air – breathe in

I hear the mothers voice Stop Grunting

Only

This mother stops the cycle –

    And bring medicine to my child

Her lungs open and

She never hears me say

Gasps of air- breathe in - the whistling telltale sounds of wheezing lungs fill the room

Stop grunting - - stop grunting said the mother

Gasps of air – breathe in

Now there are 4 generations of woman with Asthma in my family – The mother included

This is the first in a series of essays and poems about my life with Severe and Persistent Asthma - or as I call it Nasty Ass Asthma

Severe Asthma is treated differently - I take large does of prednisone to keep my lungs open. It doesn't stop the asthma flares it just slows them down.

I'm on the latest inhaled controller medication, its no longer fully effective. Although smoke is by far the worst trigger for flares most of the time I never know what causes the flares. 

I have an upcoming appointment with a Doctor at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester MN who's plan it is to get me off prednisone.

Please remember that Severe asthma is treated in a different way - this is my story