Anishinaabe Wandering

Kelsey on the Rez

In my car driving back into my history

People tell me how lucky I am
The beauty that surrounds
My knowledge tells me that
It is run down dirty and industrial

My car knows the way
Nearing the city
Stopping 
at the top of a hill

A cold blast of air greets me
Stop
Get out
Race around
Closing up windows

Keep distant the beauty
Barred by the industry that
Defined my life

Tucked in safe from the cold
The journey continues
Arriving at the lake that housed and fed my ancestors

Stepping out
The red dust covers my body
Entering every pore
Seeping deep
Down to
The molecular level
I am home

Walking along the shores of Lake Superior

Transfixed and transported
Back to the time of beauty

Before the shipyards
foghorns
oil spills
steel
and alcohol
scar my family

spin around - the Lighthouse disappears
the man made carved rocks
that mark the steps to the Lighthouse
explode and violently sink into the water

The destruction follows the path
The canal falls
the ships crumble

Moving back
before the glass beads and tobacco tins
of French fur trappers

Finally alone
Eagles, bears, turtles, cranes, foxes and martens
surround

Supported by the wisdom and love
of family and ancestors

The red dust is released
and forms a connectivity
to the sand and water

on the southern shores
of Lake Superior 

a love story for my brother

I've written and rewritten this story many times.
It's been 15 years since my brother Scott died from AIDS
The more I work on this piece and perform it
the easier it is to talk about his life

Poets know what I mean when I say "I'm free from the paper"

This is simply a love story

                                      

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one---my phone rings
                 and my mother's voice tells me that my brother is in the hospital.

two---I walk into a room and see a man.
                 My brother? Scott?
                         AIDS is clearly in the area he has that striking look they all seem
                                 to have.
            The nurses come and go.
                   The strong man who is my brother takes whatever they bring him.

three---days later. I'm there again at Regions Hospital
                Scott is handing my mother money to make his car payment.
                        I must me in the wrong place.

four---

five---

six----It's evening I'm with him again. The nurses tell me that he can hear me
                They ease back on the morphine                
                          I sit and talk and ask him why.
                                 He is without words.
                          I hold his hand, he squeezes back.

seven---It's late again. In the middle of the night the phone rings
               and I'm told to go to Regions. I'm the first one there.
                  There is a sea of blue scrubs and machines in his room
                         I look into Dr Marini's eyes. I am seeking reassurance
                              as  his deep dark brown eyes fill with tears.
                                  we stand and looked at each other
                                        I didn't know what to do
eight---

nine---

ten---From Scott's room, I look out the window into the darkness and
               see my favorite photo of a very young boy.
        He is standing with his back to me looking down at the grass.
              I will never know what he was thinking or why he chose the path that he did.
 

eleven---

twelve--- I know it is time. More people are with me now and My mother and father have arrived
                    No words are spoken.
                          morning comes, the sun rises and the shift changes
                     Scott's doctor is in the room. As she looks around the room saying
                        I don't know any of you
                       she stops, points at me and says except you.
                            She is Kelsey's pulmonologist        

thirteen---The last breaths are smoothe and gentle
                            deceitfully life giving.

fourteen---the day has arrived - hundreds of people gather
                 I hear great stories of his strength
                   the room is filled with laughter and music
                     people are surrounding me
                        hands are touching me
                          someone hands me photos

fifteen---My heart is filled  and for a moment the divine is with me.