The very horrible bad day

I don't usually have very horrible bad days
but none the less 
it turned to that today

Starting this morning 
When I opened my eyes
the time was mistaken
I do not have the luxury of sleeping til 7

Let the dog out
now its 7:08
Shower quick and cold
no time to ponder the absence 
hot water

arrive at work 8:05
not too bad
my phone rings as it always does
I feel like some of the customers
are my friends 
I know their accounts so well

One of my best friends
is on the phone
I recognized her voice
calling to tell me there has been a mistake
I checked she's right

fixed it and
talked to her 3 more times
before the days end
will meet her tomorrow for the first time

My day flies by
no thoughts of cold water
until I reach into my mail box
Centerpoint Energy says I didn't pay
They say there's a lock

My bank account says that I did
I pay my account ahead for good luck
and call. The payment you see
didn't register as paid

She agreed that I did
reconnection with out additional fee
they will give me a call

8:00 am to 8:00 pm
I must be available at a 30 minutes notice

I know what you are wondering
why didn't I notice

The Y has been my after work
companion

and last night I didn't go

The Longest Day

What would you do if the day was as long as you needed it to be?

I would - -

Wash all of the clothes in my house

Turn over the earth and plant seeds in my garden

Sort and match all of the socks

Answer Tina's early morning text
   and meet her for breakfast

Talk to my mother so she would hear me

Write

Go for a run without pain

Bake bread, slice it when its hot, slather it with butter and eat it

Flirt with all of the interesting women that I meet

Stay up late/get up early

Water my garden

Hang my sheets outside

Weed my garden

Kiss some of those women

Fix Bobbies computer

Blow past the writer's block

Go for a really long walk

Get a vacation from diabetes - so I could eat and enjoy the bread

Share a bottle of red wine with my friend, Julie

Then go for a really long bike ride with her

Listen to the rain 

Take a nap

Go swimming with my guys Max, Fletcher and Mason

Wash all of the windows in my house

Stop by my friend Carole's house

Pet a greyhound and soak in her calming influence

Plan a road trip to no where

Start and finish a novel

Walk my dog as long as he wants 

   and let him eat with the big boys at Carole's house

Watch the flowers grow

Bring in the dried sheets

Sit on Anita and Gene's red couch and watch TV

Have an ice cold beer, while sitting on my deck

pick the flowers

Hang colorful lights on my deck

Invite Mary for dinner 

Prepare a fine meal

In case you are wondering

Mary is not one of the women I kissed earlier in my day

Mary and I will sit on my deck with Ebony at our feet and watch the stars come out

Breathe deeply to the bottom of my lungs

Make my bed with the sun dried, rain softened sheets

Kiss Mary and go to sleep

Fractures and splinters

My memories are clear - or are they?
Most of my memories of that time in my life are
fractured and splintered

life photos - filed away neatly in those dust proof boxes
safely tucked away in the recesses of my mind

fractured and splintered

I've been meaning to go down deep and open that box

fractured and splintered

I'll need to take a good long look at that box
Its been so long since I have seen it.
Do I remember what it looks like

Fractured and splintered

No - I stowed it away at a different time of my life
a time when photos of my life were taken
with out my knowledge or direct impact

fractured and splintered

That's no way to live my life
or keep my memories
What sparked those fractured and splintered memories

Its a question I have lived with
My friend - my tall friend with long flowing hair
and a laugh as gentle as the breeze

Those fractured and splintered snap shots of my memory
are slowly coming into focus.

I remember that she was the keeper of my stories, my tales
and all of my pain.

She provided me with the home that I needed to keep
those memories and stories from becoming fractured and splintered.

It wasn't enough for me
I couldn't see it
She was offering - - -
What was she offering

Shelter
Love
Safety
Friendship

It wasn't tangible

My life was fracturing - - NO I WAS -- fracturing and splintering
spinning and turning
Sometimes I wonder what happened 

As I begin my journey to the recesses of my mind
to that safe space - free from dust

fractures and splinters

That box that's been so carefully stored
kept free from dust
Its barely recognizable

fractured and splintered

Its not how I remembered it. Its covered in dust
I stare at it and wonder --- what happened

So safe it was in the recesses of my mind
free from dust
in that safe space

To put things in order 
the box must be opened
I reach deep and open it

The fractured and splintered photos of my life
lay in the box with a gust of wind
they fly free leaving the box

It becomes clear
The keeper of my stories and pain is gone
I let her go by not sharing with her what she gave to me

No longer fractured and splintered - the box is empty
and my vision is clear

She left to find a welcoming place to share her photos and keep
her stories from becoming - fractured and splintered

I used to wonder if she had lived a life

Now that the box is open and clear of fractures and splinters

Its clear to me that she lives

Gardening

Patience, time, aromatic memories and savory meals

Carefully tended
with expertise - water and sun

waiting for the seeds that have been planted
with
joy
experience
love
exasperation

toiling tasks
repeated over and over

releasing the pessimism from my nature would leave me bare

I hold tight but letting go is the way to flourish

stepping back and observing
taking a break

waiting for the tastes of the season

Beth Ann

My stories

are kept in the heart of my ancestors
along the shores of Lake Superior

Standing on sacred ground
in front of a tall tree
adorned with memories and tobacco ties
to my friend and cousin Beth Ann

I am feeling love
and comfort
and peace 
I look up
my head tilted all the way up to the sky

I hold my hands up in the air
my heart is open
rain drops come glistening down from the sky
followed by snow
hail
and wind

I stay until the sky clears
I am at peace

I have come here for clarity and leave with my heart filled 

Wisdom

Wisdom 
to you
is whiskey in a glass 
sitting alone on a table top

The amber color
catches the light
and splits the rays

Filling the space with

FIRE

She stands alone
with the light burning off the walls

Stuck in the past with the melodic tones of my voice
drifting through the air

Stay --- with --- me

spend the night ----

stay with me

The fire fades and the light returns to the glass
sitting alone on the table top.