Heart

Heart and Failure

Three words you never want to hear in the same sentence. Congestive Heart - Failure

You have Congestive Heart Failure,

But that doesn't mean that your Heart has stopped beating.

I have Congestive Heart Failure, but my Heart has never failed to beat


I have Congestive Heart Failure.


Its the news that takes awhile to sink in. Sitting in my doctors office listening the words, words that are slow to form.

Strung together they form the diagnosis.

Something I have been waiting for.

The Culmination has arrived.

With her back to me ---- and a crack in her voice

and with what I can only assume is a heavy Heart.

She tells me I will have to take Lasix  to remove the excess fluid from my body.

I ask her how long and she says for the rest of my life.

A broken Heart heals itself

but my Heart is a Failure

My Heart is damaged.

It's damage that can not be undone.

Pearl

I thought it came out of the blue--
looking back
it was a snake
lurking in the dark

Her eyes glowed red
watching me

waiting for me
waiting for that point of vulnerability

She danced around my feet
circling
gathering strength

I knew instinctively that her name was Pearl

She was coming at me squeezing my lungs tight
so tight breathing was labored

pressured ribs
tight to the breaking point
           and beyond.

pulse racing

sweat pouring

sweetly pouring

raining down

---reigning

- -  R - E - I - G - N - I - N - G - -

                   down -- D O W N

the regalness of that snake was reigning down on me.


That snake moved in with me.

knocked on my door.
pushed past me
and
opened her trunks.

All in Red she was splendid
  the sun catching her scales
     splitting the lights ray

Filling the room with red

The color of love

Pearl showed me her riches
jewels twinkled
her strands of pearls glowed

I was dazzled by her brilliance.

She slinked and slithered around my house
in and out of every room

finally returning to me
and stopping at my feet.
I looked down
and gave her a knowing nod

Pearl embraced me,
climbing,
swirling and
swaddling me.

she said she'd support me.
               with vulnerability I gave in

Her swaddling coils of pearls were comfort

a comfort that wouldn't last.

Morning Poem

Awake early on Wednesday morning 
tossing and turning in bed 
no place for sleep 

out of bed at 5:30 
awake at 4:00 
eyes getting heavy at 6:29 

the sun rises without notice 
the birds sing and now are quiet 
stillness of the air 

surrounds me 
punctuated sounds 
returning to silence 

sitting on bed 
looking left and then right 
slowly stretching 

trying to welcome the day 
while slowly awakening 
my body 

stretch 
elusive sleep will 
not be with me today

Thursday Morning

I'm up early today.
Awake at 5:30 to walk my dog
I'm awake and he is in my bed snoring.